Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
