I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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