I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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