I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
