No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
