Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
