you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
