I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
