if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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