so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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