Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
