dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
