I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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