He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
