hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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