Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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