it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
wow bdsm is so cute
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
