Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
