Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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