Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
