I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
