if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
well you can't waste a boner
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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