just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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