Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
