I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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