This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
