She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
