Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
