this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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