I have demons in me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
