dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
