I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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