Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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