I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
