So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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