When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
