smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
