can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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