so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
