Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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