Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
