theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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