ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
