Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
