Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
