...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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