I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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