if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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