I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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