so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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