So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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