my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
