When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
