I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
