Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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