she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
