How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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