I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
