Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am puke
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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