Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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