I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
