they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
