The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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