Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
