You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
