I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize