I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
