The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
