You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
