I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
