only if we run a train.
done.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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