Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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