I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
