I met the friendliest cop last night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
