Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The Olympian is in my bed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
