Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the liver wants what the liver wants
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
