i used baking grease as lip gloss
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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