got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
