Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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