So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
