Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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