Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
