Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
