respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
