im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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