Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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