Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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