New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
