We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize