Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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