You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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