Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
