So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
