Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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