He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
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