dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
