i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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