it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize