That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
