Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
