Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize