All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
